The best way to get a Justin Bieber ticket for free is the following. (Please read the whole answer because there is a twist at the end). So, first of all you write a letter--it has to be hand written, you know, on a paper, with an actual pen--saying "Hello, Justin Bieber, I like you … Read more

Animals can be characterized in terms of 1. Appearance, 2. Fundamental Material Constituent, 3 Biological Condition, 4 Size, 5. Existential Condition, and (Bonus!) 6. Social Condition. Thus we find that: 1. Unlike vegetables, Animals are cute in the infant stage. 2. All animals are made up of tiny vibrating strings 3. Every animal can be dead … Read more

Somebody is playing a mean trick on you and you need to get to the bottom of it. Check all the walls carefully for fresh paint: That may be a sign that someone has made a hole in the wall and hidden your ipod in it and then filled the hole in again. Also, if … Read more

Scientists have not yet been able to determine the answer to this troubling question but there is some hope that the Large Hadron Collider will provide a solution. In the proposed experiment each type of soda will be accelerated to 93% c (the speed of light) and then forced to collide with a stream of … Read more

Great question. Almost stumped me, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened here. During a weekend trip to Cancun, you were walking on the beach, enjoying the sensation of warm sand between tired toes when, oops, you stepped on a big shard of glass and naturally fainted. Next thing you know, you wake up … Read more

The beauty inherent in the flowers of the fruit tree remind us that we're really just a sorry bucket of time's excrement. Except he says it nicer.

Robert Frost lived and wrote at a time in American history when the nation stood at a crossroads. America decided which way it wanted to go, but the curmudgeonly misanthrope decided he wanted to go a different way, and he ended up alone and despised, so he decided to write about leaves and stuff (you … Read more

The only known extant manuscript of the 1534 sequence of Church Usher poems by Thomas Wyatt is owned by English Renaissance scholar Larry Page whose love for the handwritten artifact is such that he refuses to have the experience of reading the text vulgarized through print or electronic digitization. Larry is your man, although, be … Read more

I think it's ridiculous that the right to bear onions is under attack again. Onions don't kill dogs. People with onions kill dogs!

I admit to being a little perturbed by all these questions concerning the whereabouts of sewing machine manuals. For rest assured, yours is not the only one that has gone missing and whose mysterious disappearance has prompted hours of fruitless searching for the recovery of same.  It's not clear what motivates the thieving thieves responsible … Read more

I am going to assume that the approximation we could achieve by assuming the validity of the Newtonian law of universal gravitation is satisfactory for your purposes, and that the object in question is mathematically equivalent to a morbidly obese American lounging on a beach in Bali--I.e., positioned at sea level and as close to … Read more

The term pertains to the variable set of internal and external conditions affecting a company's ability to acquire necessary resources, efficiently manage activities, and competitively delivers its goods or services. An organization aware of the importance of the business environment will be able to hire sophisticated personnel with a demonstrated ability effortlessly to circumvent the … Read more